Christmas Day today. Although my family is with me I still felt lonely. Usually Christmas for me is just like any other day of the year. We dont celebrate Christmas. But now I just felt like it is the loneliest day of my life. I need someone there to be with me. My dearest...
All I can think about is how she is. Is she enjoying her time with another guy. Cant help it. I wish I could forget her. But I don't want to... even though it hurts. I love her.... Very much.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Monday, December 24, 2007
Am I right?
The memory of her still lingers on. And still I'm trying my best to forget her. Should I speak to her? It seems so wrong to love her when she loves someone else, but I just cant help it.Every objects seems to remind me of her. I've never been bothered by the cold weather before. For me the cooler it is the better for me to enjoy myself.Now the weather seems colder all the time, the nights are so cold and lonely.
So this is loneliness... I never want to feel this way again!!! Maybe its the first time I miss someone. Maybe it'll get better. I hope that the advice that time will heal all is true. Really cant stand it anymore.
So this is loneliness... I never want to feel this way again!!! Maybe its the first time I miss someone. Maybe it'll get better. I hope that the advice that time will heal all is true. Really cant stand it anymore.
Monday, December 17, 2007
First love, first heartache
It was my first time... My first love. And my first breakup...It has been a week since she left me for another guy. I still miss her. Lots and lots. Now I know what loneliness is. I have never felt lonely for 28 years and after i learn to love, i found that my love worth nothing to her. I was hoping and praying that she will call me, text me, email me or anything... Just to hear her say "I love you." Guess I'm just a stupid guy waiting for something that is not going to happen.
She told me she loves the other guy. And that she doesn’t love me anymore... How it hurts...:.(
I asked her why. And she said that she didn't deserve me. Then she said that she loves another.
I know I'm a guy, but couldn’t help shedding the tears. Even the screen now is blurry because of the tears. Am I wrong to cry?
Thought of putting knife through my heart or drive my car over the cliff, but couldn’t do it cause I love my parents. Don't want them to bear the burden of me.
Nobody knows that I'm in love with her. I couldn't believe it that she noticed me. She is a smart, beautiful and rich girl, and I'm just a normal guy, not so good looking skinny guy. It started out just a normal texting between friends. And soon the texting became more and more frequent. Then we started to chat online. There I told her of my feelings for her. She was hesitant at first but soon she said she loves me too. At that time she was going out with someone. She said that the guy was just like a brother to her. And I believe her. I only went out with her once. Nothing much happened, we just talked but it was the most wonderful night of my life. Knowing that someone also loves you... Nothing can describe the euphoria.
Before this, I thought my friends were stupid when they keep saying "I Love You" to their girlfriends. And when I was in love, the same thing happens to me. I still think it was stupid but I feel like I can keep on like that forever. Even the simple text of "I miss you" makes my heart flutter. I was in heaven and I thought she is the one for me, forever. We are going to have kids together, holding hands, watching them growing, and having kids of their own. And now my world shatters into a million pieces.
I'm a rational man so let me put things that happens to me in perspective. How these affected me.
Now I just wish that I can be like some of my friends that can break off easily and find another special one. But I can't. I miss her too much. It hurts me when I see her blew kisses to her special one even if its only a virtual kiss in Facebook. It hurts me when I saw him caress her hair, holding her hands and treating her the way I could only wish. Maybe because I'm shy, or a coward or just my upbringing. Cause we never talked about boy-girl relationship in our home. It is like a taboo.
WHAT SHOULD I DO? I MISS HER!!! And I want her to be happy...
God please help me!!!
She told me she loves the other guy. And that she doesn’t love me anymore... How it hurts...:.(
I asked her why. And she said that she didn't deserve me. Then she said that she loves another.
I know I'm a guy, but couldn’t help shedding the tears. Even the screen now is blurry because of the tears. Am I wrong to cry?
Thought of putting knife through my heart or drive my car over the cliff, but couldn’t do it cause I love my parents. Don't want them to bear the burden of me.
Nobody knows that I'm in love with her. I couldn't believe it that she noticed me. She is a smart, beautiful and rich girl, and I'm just a normal guy, not so good looking skinny guy. It started out just a normal texting between friends. And soon the texting became more and more frequent. Then we started to chat online. There I told her of my feelings for her. She was hesitant at first but soon she said she loves me too. At that time she was going out with someone. She said that the guy was just like a brother to her. And I believe her. I only went out with her once. Nothing much happened, we just talked but it was the most wonderful night of my life. Knowing that someone also loves you... Nothing can describe the euphoria.
Before this, I thought my friends were stupid when they keep saying "I Love You" to their girlfriends. And when I was in love, the same thing happens to me. I still think it was stupid but I feel like I can keep on like that forever. Even the simple text of "I miss you" makes my heart flutter. I was in heaven and I thought she is the one for me, forever. We are going to have kids together, holding hands, watching them growing, and having kids of their own. And now my world shatters into a million pieces.
I'm a rational man so let me put things that happens to me in perspective. How these affected me.
Before | After | |
| Computer Games | Challenge me anytime | No interest/Even kids can beat me. |
| Food | Eat a lot... | No appetitte |
| Movies | Dont care. | Cant bear to watch. Everything reminded me of her. |
| Attitude | Happy go lucky | Quiet/ Sad |
| Sleep | Easy.. anytime,anywhere | Cant sleep, she's always on my mind |
Now I just wish that I can be like some of my friends that can break off easily and find another special one. But I can't. I miss her too much. It hurts me when I see her blew kisses to her special one even if its only a virtual kiss in Facebook. It hurts me when I saw him caress her hair, holding her hands and treating her the way I could only wish. Maybe because I'm shy, or a coward or just my upbringing. Cause we never talked about boy-girl relationship in our home. It is like a taboo.
WHAT SHOULD I DO? I MISS HER!!! And I want her to be happy...
God please help me!!!
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